Not Nosferatu
by AracyaDragonpet
Summary: The Cullens are taking a nice vacation to London. Did they really think they could escape the notice of the Hellsing Organisation? After several animals are found drained of blood, Sir Integra sends out Alucard to investigate the matter. What he finds are the Cullens, who are 'vampires? They are certainly not Nosferatu, the undead do not sparkle!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! So, I thought, I love Hellsing x Twilight crossovers, so, why not write one? Warning, I used to be a Twilight fan. Forgive me, I was a preteen girl and had no idea! I think at the time, I had tried watching Hellsing once and it scared me, which says a lot because I have never been scared of gore and such. I guess you could say Twilight got me into 'vampires' and Hellsing got me into REAL vampires. SO...yeah, as with most Hellsing/Twilight stories, it is anti-Twilight. It is also educated anti-twilight. **

London, Midday:

The Cullens stepped out onto the London street, looking up at the beautifully cloudy sky. Their flight had just landed and they had decided to spend their third vacation night out here, on a street lined with stores, at Alice's request. Rosalie hadn't protested, and so Emmet agreed as well.

Carlisle grabbed Alice's arm as she tried to drag Bella off to the nearest clothing store, "Let us meet back here an hour sunset. We need to check into the hotel." She nodded and hurried off with Jasper and Edward in tow.

Hellsing HQ, Shortly after sunset:

"Alucard, I have a mission for you."

"Oh really, and what will that be, my master?" The No Life King smirked, "I thought you already sent the Police Girl out."

"I did, I have just gotten in some strange reports I need you to investigate," Sir Integra clarified, shuffling through the files she had just been reading before the vampire had walked through her wall, "Yesterday, several wild animals were discovered in the woods nearest to London. It appears that they have been completely drained of blood."

Alucard took the file he was handed and examined it, "I would say it was the work of a vampire, had they turned into ghouls."

Integra nodded, "Do your kind even drink animal blood?"

The vampire made a face, "We can. What is beyond me why any would drink animal blood when so close to so many humans. Supernatural animals are one thing, such as Baskerville, but normal animals are quite another. We can survive off of them but can hardly thrive. Besides, they taste vile."

The Hellsing director shook her head, "Your orders are as follows, investigate and learn all you can about this strange occurrence. Find the one responsible, question them, then, if they are a vampire, destroy them."

"Yes, my master."  
London, Approximately an hour after sunset:

"Rose, wait till you see what we got you!" Alice cried, seeing the last two Cullens, Rosalie and Emmet, trot back to the rest of them at a human's pace, "There was this dress, and as soon as I decided to buy it, I knew it would look lovely on you!"

The blond vampire smiled at her overly-cheerful sister, "Everything looks good on me."

"Isn't that the truth!" Emmet grinned, hooking his arm around Rosalie's waist.

"You do wear things quite nicely dear," Esme remarked, "But I think it's time we returned to the hotel, if only for a few hours to keep our little secret."

The Cullens turned and walking into the dark alleyway that was their shortcut to the hotel they had booked to keep up appearances and for sunny days. Yet, they soon found their path blocked by a very tall man dressed in a red duster coat and fedora hat with orange-tinted glasses. His already face-splitting grin widened at the sight of them. His deep voice reverberated slightly from the walls surrounding them,

"And just what that little secret be?"

Alucard stepped from the brick wall he had been leaning on. He lightly sniffed the air and frowned, "So, you're not human. You don't smell of blood."

Carlisle took a cautious step forward, "No, we're not. We're vampires." He didn't see the point in hiding it. The man had already figured out they were not human, so he must not be as well.

Alucard could not help but chuckle, "Oh really? Vampires smell of blood more than humans do, care to try again?" He paused, then sniffed the air again. Wait, there was something to them…a sent under their mint-like breath "Ah, you've tried to hide it, but I can still smell the stench of animal on you. So you were the ones who drank those animals dry."

"Yes," The Cullen clan leader admitted, "We are…'vegetarians', of a sort. We do not drink human blood."

The No Life King looked over the man in front of him for a moment. Seeing that he was serious, he burst out laughing. The others stared at him, not sure how to react to his maniacal laughter.

"Doesn't drink human blood? Has yellow eyes? Do you even burn in the sun?"

"No," Carlisle replied calmly.

"What?" Alucard's head snapped upright, hilarity forgotten, "What do you do then?"

"Our skin reflects the light."

"Like a mirror."

"Like a diamond."

Alucard snickered, then threw his head back, laughter returning tenfold. For many minutes, he could not speak. When he finally could again, he looked down, eyes glistening with amusement. "You mean to tell me you sparkle? HA! You may call yourself vampires, but there is no way you are Nosfaratu."

"And who and what are you to say we're not?" Emmet growled.

Alucard looked over to him, then pulled down his glasses, revealing his blood-red eyes, "What do you think I am?" He hissed, allowing his breath, filled with the stench of his recent meal to wash over them.

"You are like us then," Carlisle concluded.

"No," Alucard drew himself up, "I am nothing like you. My name is Alucard." With that, he flipped open a cell phone, speed dialing Hellsing's headquarters, "Master, I have encountered a problem."

_'And what would that be, Alucard?'_

"I have found the ones responsible for killing the animals, but they are not human. They are not Nosferatu either, though they claim to be."

_'Bring them in then. We should see what these 'vampires' really are.'_

"Yes, my master." He clicked the phone shut, eyeing the other 'vampires', "It seems you will have to come with me."

**So, not sure how far I'm going to take this. I'd like to know from your reviews what you think. Should Alucard's Casull be able to shoot through the Twilight 'vampires'? I was considering how much fun Alucard would have both ways... make it interesting? I know the Jackal will be able to because, let's face it, if you get shot with the Jackal, you're not coming back up, even if you're Father Anderson. Go team Alucard! Cuz real vampires don't sparkle!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, finally got a couple of reviews. Thank you to them! To the rest of you...shame on you! Lol, well, I hope you enjoy the next chapter: **

**Outside Hellsing HQ, Night:**

"Where are you taking us?" Edward asked, arms around Bella to comfort her. She had momentarily lifted her shield to show him that she was creeped out by this man in red.

Alucard turned, his sadistic grin flashing in the moonlight, "To my master."

"Master?" Rosalie scoffed, "What is this, the Volturi?"

"No," He hissed, "I serve the Hellsing Organization."

She flipped her hair, "Never heard of it."

Alucard's grin returned, "Of course you haven't. We've worked hard to keep it that way. The vampires who have usually end up dead."

She seemed unimpressed by the threat, "Where is this 'Hellsing' anyway?"

"Here."

The No Life King gestured to the giant mansion in front of them. What appeared to be swat teams swarmed outside. Soldiers hung about, chatting. They appeared to have just returned from somewhere. A short blond girl with spiky hair and carrying a ridiculously long cannon over her shoulder as though it was made of Styrofoam ran over to them.

"MASTER!" She chirped happily, then noticed the Cullens, "Who are they?"

"Police Girl," Alucard greeted, "Did you kill the vampire?"

The girl snapped to attention, puffing out her already large chest proudly, "Sir, yes sir!"

"And what about drinking your blood?"

She smiled sheepishly, "Not yet?"

"Go do that."

"But Master…" She whined, "You know I don't want-"

"Now, Police Girl, or will I have to force it down your throat?"

Her eyes widened, then she visible deflated. "Yes Sir, my master…" She trotted off toward the mansion. The Cullens watched her go.

"Who was that?" Carlisle asked.

As was beginning to become an obvious habit, Alucard ginned at him in response. "That was my fledgling, The Police Girl," an evil glimmer flashed across his glasses as he tilted his head thoughtful, "Perhaps I will have to pour a blood pack down her throat if she does not drink, or…" He eyed the soldiers, "One of the Frenchmen…"

"Did you happen to say she killed a vampire?" Jasper asked, wondering if this was anything like what he had done in the south.

"Yes, he did," A stern woman's voice said. They all turned to face the considerably taller blond woman smoking a cigar, "That is what we do here at Hellsing, kill vampires. The only reason you eight are still alive is the fact is that we have not come across your kind before. I am Sir Integra Wingates Fairbrook Hellsing, leader of the Hellsing Organization. Please, come to my office."

Hellsing HQ, Sir Integra's Office, several minutes later:

"So your telling me you drink animal blood instead of human?"

"Yes."

"And sparkle in the sunlight instead of burn?"

"Yes?"

It was clear that the butler, Walter, was trying very hard to keep a strait face. Even Integra had to crack the smallest of smiles. Seras was giggling in the corner.

"And are bullet proof?"

"Yes," Carlisle answered, not seeing how this was at all funny, "Though, if I may, would you not already know this since you have two vampires under your command?"

"I want to see this, 'bullet proof'," the Hellsing leader said, ignoring his question pulling a pistol form her desk drawer.

"Of course," the cloven leader spread his arms, inviting her to prove his claim.

The Hellsing leader took aim, not a hint of hesitation in her stance as she pointed the gun at Carlisle. The Cullens flinched as Integra fired, even though they knew such a low powered firearm could not possibly harm him. The bullet bounced from his chest and rolled to the floor, dented at the tip. Alucard grinned.

"Interesting…" Walter remarked from his stance behind Sir Integra.

"Surely," Emse began, "You've seen Alucard or Seras take a bullet before?"

As answer, Integra turned and unloaded the rest of the clip into Alucard. The majority of the bullets hit his head and heart. The others pierced somewhere in the vicinity of his chest and face. Once she was done, a total of nine shots in the vampire, he fell backwards, bleeding out onto the floor.

Alice gasped, "You killed him! Your own servant!"

"But he was a vampire," Bella said, numb from shock, "Shouldn't they have, you know, bounced off or something?"

A low chuckle came from the direction of the bloody corpse. It grew in volume at the Cullen's surprised expressions until it became maniacal laughter. Gloved fingers began to twitch and black hair slithered as it if was a snake with a life of its own. As if he was a puppet on invisible strings, Alucard's body lifted up. The blood his body had spilled swirled around him and as if sucked in by a siphon, returned to it's owner. Within moments, his head shot forward, eyes glowing crimson.

"Magnificent groups my master," the No Life King grinned, "Any of those shots could kill."

"I should surely hope so," Integra replied, allowing Walter to light her another cigar, "Hellsing can't afford a leader who isn't a good shot."

The Cullens stared at Alucard, so seemed to have come back from the dead. In a way, he had, but that was a long time ago.

"W-what are you?" Bella asked, grabbing hold of Edward's sleeve.

The No Life King shot her one of his maniacal grins, "I am a vampire, the undead, Nosferatu. The question is, my dear, is what are you?"

**So... tell me what you think. What could be improved? Also, any suggestions are appreciated as I really have no idea where to go with this. Drop a review, please and thank you! **


	3. Chapter 3

"You want us to what?"

Alucard growled, "Perhaps, Police Girl, if you drank you're blood like a good fledgling instead of questioning your master, you might not have human hearing."

"I heard what you said," Seras whined, "But why fight them?"

"Because my master wants us to evaluate their similarities to us, no matter how few, and gage their level of threat," he ginned, pointing at Bella, "I want you to spar with that one. She carries the scent of human blood, though it is faint."

"She didn't drink from a human, if that is what you're implying," Edward growled, "It's just because she's a newborn."

"Newborn?" Walter asked from his position in the corner, "Please elaborate on this term."

Carlisle, who appeared to be the coven's spokesperson, walked over to the elderly butler. "It is the term we use for someone who has been newly turned into a vampire. Our human blood still runs through our veins, so that is when we are strongest."

"Strongest as fledglings?" Alucard scoffed, "How pathetic. Vampires are meant to grow stronger with each of the lives they consume, not weaker. Now move into the arena Police Girl, I'm growing board of this little chat."

"Yes Master," Seras jumped into the boxing ring and turned around to help Bella in as well, "Sorry about this, but you know how masters are…"

"No, I don't," the brunette newborn furrowed her brows, "Why is he you're master?"

"Police Girl!" Alucard barked, "We do not have all night. Fight her! And do it as a real vampire should."

"Yes!" Seras called back. She shot her opponent one more apologizing look before attempting to flat-out tackle her.

Of course, it was easy for Bella to hold the little blond's weight. She shoved her back, and Seras sprung to her feet like a cat, rubbing her collarbone and wincing.

"You're hard as a rock," she stated, "No wonder you're bullet proof."

"A real vampire can break through rocks Police Girl," Alucard growled, stalking around the sidelines while Walter took notes, "Get on with it!"

Seras nodded and lunged for her again, only to find that she was standing on the other side of the arena. The draculina blinked, then tried to grab her again. Just as before, Bella moved from her reach.

"She's fast…" Walter muttered, writing it down.

"So was the one who I fought downstairs during the Valentine Brother's raid," the No-Life-King remarked, "Speed is not power through." He watched in amusement as his fledgling chased the other so called 'vampire' around the arena.

Finally, Seras growled, and flinching to the side and faking the other girl out. In the split second that followed, the blond managed to snatch Bella, quickly pinning her to the ground in a police hold. In the heat of her battle rage, the draculina pulled back, the force ribbing Bella's arms from her body. There was a shocked silence, both from the brutality of the Police Girl's actions, and the fact that the other 'vampire' did not bleed.

Then Bella let out an ear-splitting scream. Instantly, Seras flew backwards as Edward tore her from his mate. She tumbled toward her master, who neatly sidestepped her and allowed her to crash into the wall behind him. Surveying the sceane, Jasper and Emmet growled, advancing on the fledgling. Alucard, however, was having none of that. He neatly drew out sleek silver gun, along with another, this time black, and trained them on boys.

"Good work Police Girl," he purred proudly, not taking his eyes of the enemy at hand, "But I suppose the cops always were trained to 'disarm' the opposition."

"So Romeo reattached Juliet's arms did he?" Alucard laughed, "And what did Mr. Sparkles have to say on the matter?"

Seras made a bit of a face. Already, her master had assigned nicknames to all the Cullens. Edward and Bella where Romeo and Juliet. Carlisle and Esme where Mr. and Mrs. Sparkles. Alice and Jasper were Future Girl and Soldier Boy. Finally, Rosalie and Emmet were Blondie and the Tank.

"He was talking to Sir Integra. He said there was no harm done, but was shocked by my brutality," Seras hung her head, "They probably all hate me now."

Her Master chuckled, "Does it really matter, Police Girl? Do you really want to become friends with pitiful, glittery, excuses for vampires? Sooner or later, my master will tire of them, and then," he grinned and snapped the magazine into his Jackal, pointing it out experimentally, "I want to see if they shatter like glass…"

**Ooooooh, what should Alucard subject the Cullen's to next? Review! Thanks!**


End file.
